Thursday, July 24, 2008

Where is my voice?

After months of blogging, I have lost my voice. No, I haven't lost my physical voice. Not at all. I have lost my writer's voice. Oh to go back to when I could half laugh at my son's choices.

The pain of Jen is all consuming.

I look across the street daily...screaming out to God...begging Him to heal her.

Today...I am worried.

There are more cars out in front.

I don't know what that means...They are looking into hospice...Did Jen come home?...Did Jen go home?...I feel like I am in a nightmare. I can only imagine how they feel.

The kids got to spend the some of the week with G-pa and G-ma Worley in the Springs. When they called. The first question out of Hunter's mouth every time they called was "How did Ms. Jen do today?"

I spend hours crying...Oh the pain that they must feel...

People talk about needing to say good-bye...Needing closure...It makes me insane to hear that...

What about Ray?...what about the kids?...They need JEN!!!

Who are these people to think they need closure?

I know that j0y comes in the morning.

Where oh where is the morning.

1 comment:

Kennedy Krew said...

Oh my dear sweet friend - I am so sorry your heart is breaking! I am still praying for you and for your friend's family. Please keep trusting in your loving savior - even when it makes no sense and hurts to breathe!!

Walking in the Light

Wow! This year year has been a whirlwind to say the least. I am shocked we are near the half way point in February. Part of me wants to dance. If the start of the year is any indication of how it is going to go, I am happy it's flying by. I will usher in 2009 with bells and whistles.

Yet, I am humbly reminded that every day is a gift, and I need to walk in the Light. I need to let Him guide me through each day. I need to listen to His still, quiet voice...Yeah I know for me that's a stretch. I'm never still long enough to catch my breath.

As I write this, our dear neighbor of ten years is fighting stage 4 pancreatic cancer. I am awed by the faith she has in God. I am humbled by the fight she has within her to beat the demon we know as cancer. Hunter, in his six year old wisdom said to me, "Mommy, why are you sad? We are just going to pray and Jesus is going to make her better." The faith of a child and the living testimony of one who is dwelling in God's amazing grace reminds me to walk daily in the His unfailing light.